already feeling insecure about "The First One"

I found a mistake in the first paragraph in my first posting.  Now I'm freaking a bit about not seeming smarter.  I wish I were easier on myself, or maybe wittier.  Sometime I wonder if I would have accomplished more if I weren't insecure.  That is one of the things that is so scary about marriage.  There is a certain amount of finality I never experienced before.  I enjoy our relationship and adore our daughter, but (am I a bitch for saying but?).  But, I feel like I'm done.  The major milestones have been hit.  a BA, an MA a career, a happy marriage, a baby.  Now I just do this until retirement?

Anyway maybe I'll add more later.

The first one

Why not me, I guess.  I know there are plenty of people out there who have fascinating lives and thoughts that are out there blogging.  Then there is everybody else, or should I say the rest of us.  I need some kind of outlet, maybe even feedback.  This has proven to be the most difficult year of my life.   I know who I was at the beginning but I'm not sure who I am now.  It wouldn't be so unnerving if I didn't really enjoy who I was.  

Who I am? 35 year old woman, married for 2 1/2 years with a 15 month old daughter.  My husband is 48.  This is his second marriage.  He has a 17 year old son who lives with us full time.  We live in Southern California.  

I was a stay at home mom for the first year of my daughter's life.  I returned to work as a teacher in September.  The following day a dear friend of ours died.  My husband's best friend of 25 years.

It all hit at the same time becoming a working mother and experiencing a huge loss.  I aged, I feared, I grew depressed.  I love my life, my husband is my hero, but something in me feels very unfamiliar and I don't know where to put it. 

Who I was?

I lived alone for 11 years.  Supported myself, visited 12 different countries.  Childlike, silly, active high energy.

I miss myself.

Does this ring with anyone else?

Maybe the new Melanie is a blogger.  Maybe I'll keep up with it and post pictures and figure my life out in a variety of fonts.  Who knows.  What if I'm a knitter and I never find out.